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The 35th Annual Zora High Dive - Tune Into the Action On FSN2
I saw the strangest thing the other day, and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. Right outside of Hateno Village, there was a strapping young fellow, blonde hair, maybe 15/16 who was cutting grass with just a sword! I mean, he was spinning around and absolutely ripping through this 3 foot tall grass. I ran towards him to have a chat, but before I got close, he soared into the sky in an enormous gust of green wind.
I can only assume he is some kind of warlock, and I don't know what his deal is, but he would be the perfect fit for my lawncare company! I am getting older and could use someone so youthful and full of energy!
Please, if you have any info at all, let me know. Offering 500 rupees to any tips that lead me to him!
Hector is no ordinary cucco. He has never behaved like the other cuccos. I have never seen him eat, I have never seen him sleep. He does not move with his brood, but instead stands alone. He will stare at me whenever I am around... not even blinking.
It's been like this for 9 months. I am starting to wonder if something - I don't know what - is inside of Hector. If any animal doctor could please come to my hut, I live just outside of Kakariko to the village, to the east. You can't miss it.
I spotted this structure through my sightseeing device atop a cliff. It's a massive labyrinth, with ancient drones swarming at the top level. I can only imagine the riches planted there for whoever is brave enough...
2000 rupees to anyone that cares to join my conquest. I'm staying at the East Akkala Stable until Sunday. I head out that morning. Ask for Joval the Explorer.
Are there any zoras out there who are interested in hylian men? Nothing excites me more that the idea of giving a zora my hylian seed and successfully cross-breeding a warrior capable of uniting our kinds.
The blue skin of a zora is titillating like no other, and from what I have seen on television, the gills look quite inviting. I am staying at the foothill stable. To all zoras out there... make the trek down to me. Allow me to show you the benefits of a plain skinned fellow. I may not be the most notable in my stature, but I make up for it in willingness to give you the ultimate pleasure.
Also I would love your fishy fingers in my urethra and butthole
Three years ago, I started a riveting journey around the vast perimeter of Hyrule. I set out to explore every village, meet people, go on adventures, and I was having the time of my life. In the middle of my 3rd year, I began to cross into the sands of the Gerudo desert. The desert itself is beautiful, but harsh. The sun beats down, drying your skin, the grains of sand weighing down your boots, and you can walk for hours without encountering a soul. After slowly advancing through the strand for the better part of a day, I was met with the high walls of the vibrant Gerudo Town. I was so relieved to have finally made it to civilization. But when I tried to enter, I was violently sent on my way by the two gorgeous goddesses at the door.
It was then that I learned of Gerudo Town's customs: aside from the king, GIRLS ONLY. I couldn't believe they were so serious about it. I mean, Gerudo was THE LAST stop on my trip around the Kingdom! But these amazing amazons simply could not be reasoned with, even though I offered all of my rupees, supplies, and the clothes off my back! I conducted reconnaissance under nightfall, which led to a series of infiltration attempts: climbing over the wall, swimming in through the exit drain... everytime I was caught IMMEDIATELY.
Needless to say, my inability to accept defeat led to an obsession. I searched the nearby towns to see if anyone knew of a way to get into Gerudo town. I received NO answers. I couldn't EAT or SLEEP until I mingled with the tan, lean maidens of their people. So, I made a choice... I had my doctor shave my manhood down to a nub. I had him fill my pectorals with blue chuchu jelly. I was finally accepted into the village after the transformation. I felt so alive, being welcomed by the Gerudo people with open arms. For the next few weeks, I lodged, dined, and spent my days in the all female municipality.
THEN. ONE DAY. A BLONDE SLUT IN BLUE GERUDOAN GARBE STROLLS IN. I decide to have a chat with the BITCH, who after some simple questioning, quickly reveals that SHE is a HE. IN DISGUISE.
APPPARREEENTLY this LINK ran into a lad with a similar strategy. SO HE'S STANDING HERE TELLING ME THAT ALL I HAD TO DO WAS BUY AN OUTFIT TO GET IN. I WANT MY DICK BACK. MY NIPPLES ARE SORE EVERDAY AND THEY LEAK BLUE JELLY. AND ALL THE DOCTORS ARE TELLING ME THERE'S NOTHING THEY CAN DO.
Please for the love of all good and holy in this land... I am offering 500000 rupees, a FORTUNE, to help me get back to my old self. You can find me at the The Great Ton Pu Inn.
- Linel the Traveler
AH HA HA! My name is Zilcho, and I am a purveyor of the most rare and exotic monster goods around!
You're not gonna find any of my wares at your average merchant's shop. Just this month, I have in:
Find me under the Bridge of Hylia: Fridays from 6pm - 2am!